A day in the life of...

I haven't blogged for awhile. I have been sick and feeling quite uninspired to write. But I digress. My demon dog Josie woke me up at 4:30 am whining. Of course I am pissed 1) because I am not a morning person 2) I could barely open my eyes b/c of all the snot in them and 3) I just thought she wanted to go outside and do her famous I am barking at absolutely nothing routine. Soooo I ignored her and went back to a restless sleep until 6:30. I get up to call in sick for half the day and Q comes running out of the bathroom "Mom, Mom come here (gagging) I give him the international sign for "zip it, I'm on the phone with the office" and shot him a dirty look. I hang up and say "WHAT" (very exasperated) He just points to the bathroom...gagging once again. Being a bit of a drama queen myself I just thought my son the over-actor was being his dramatic self. But no...I walk into the bathroom and it reeks~! I look into the bathtub and there was a puddle of diarrhea. Josie, who had given me fair warning I must say, had pooped in the tub and jumped out and came back to bed with us. At first I was mad and then I thought...Oh my gosh my dog is a GENIUS. Most dogs would have been like okay fu**er, you don't want to let me out, I am gonna poop everywhere. But my Josie was so kind she pooped where I could just wash it down the drain...I love the demon dog!!! When you're slidin into third and you feel a juicy turd...diarrhea..diarrhea!
Okay so that was the most exciting thing that has happened this week. Oh except I am going to be in a skit at church. It was so fun to try out for a drama thing again. I have missed it so much. So break a leg to me!!!

Posted by shawnak at 3:55 PM | Permalink | Comments

Greetings all!
Well as most of you know I am back on my Fat Flush diet, in hopes of losing another 16 lbs in a week (wishful thinking I am sure I was more committed the last time around) Anyway I was STARVING, you know like when you drive by Taco Time and want to eat the whole restaurant?! SO I am driving along trying to figure out what I can eat without hardly any carbs and I start fiendin' for a piece of greasy chicken. Since there is only one store and one restaurant in town I figured Deli chicken would have to do. So I go into Valley Foods and am waiting rather impatiently (yeah I know you are all shocked about that one :P ) for the Deli girl to quit playing with the yuppie latte machine and give me my frickin piece of chicken...like Little Shop of Horrors "feed me Seymour". Well she finally catches a clue and waits on me. I am so hyped to get my piece of chicken (b/c I am wasting away while waiting) I didn't notice anyone behind me. I flip around ready to leave and start munching and I almost run into a one-nite stand I had quite awhile back. I was so startled I just smiled and said...ummm hey how are you, all the while thinking of him naked! He said good how are you...smiling in all of his 6'2" of glory. I mumbled good trying to keep my mouth closed before a bone came flying out from the skeleton I was trying to hold back. I got in my car and wondered....was he picturing me naked too? Living in a small town makes it hard not to run into someone who has seen ya naked...maybe I should move..hee hee
Well that's all for now

Posted by shawnak at 2:58 PM | Permalink | Comments

Okay well here it goes, confession time. I need to relieve some of the guilt I have over this weekend. Saturday night (or should I say early Sunday morning since it was 3:45 am) the phone rings and I come rushing out of bed barely noticing the caller ID before I answered (usually calls in the middle of the nite are not good news, and I guess in this case it wasn't good news either). It was the ex, yes the man whose name we do not mention.... calling me at almost 4 in the morning... I thought he was in trouble or hurt but it turns out that I ended up in trouble and hurt. Conversation goes as follows:

Me: Hello (breathless from running and expecting the worst)
Him: Hey (very quietly)
Me: Are you okay? My heart is beating out of my chest.
Him: I'm okay why is you heart pounding?
Me: I thought you were hurt (stupid stupid why did I answer the phone...Argghhh)
Him: No, I'm fine (pause) I really love you a lot.
Me: (Pause Pause) (WTF?? WTF???) Ummm okay?!?
Him: Do you want to come over?
Me: (WTFFFFFF???)Why?
Him: Well I tried to holla at you a while ago but obviously you have some guy staying there with a truck!
Me: laughing...That's my truck( is he a stalker?)
Him: You bought a truck?
Me: Ummm YEAH!!!!
Him: I don't believe you, bring it over so I can see it
Me: (yeah right, don't do it don't do it) I don't know....
Him: It took a lot of courage for me to call you.
Me: Okay (stupid stupid stupid girl!)
Well as you can guess he didn't want to see the truck, he really wanted to see me naked! Now don't gross out I swear its true. And he said a lot of nice things and I asked about his "girlfriend" His reply being "I have 3 which one" The one with the Jeep. He says they don't mean anything to me. I should have bolted for the door, but I fell for it! Ladies I know I have a Master's degree and I graduated with honors, but obviously I am the stupidest woman in America. He said he missed me and most of the right things and then I fall into bed with him. God I am pathetic. I thought he wanted me back and in reality he probably just wanted to get laid. Do I have no self esteem at all? I said no for about a 1/2 hr but then I just give in...???? Him all the time asking are ya sure no one else is hitting this (Kodi that is Rez slang for am I sleeping with anyone else)
Why should he care, he never once said he wanted me back, just that he missed me. When it was over he turned back into his old self and I felt sick to my stomach. I told him about the changes I have made in my life (ya know since he said I was soooo negative) like I am going back to church and he said "what about Q?" I said he goes too and he says "That sucks" I then said well I don't really drink that much anymore either" (since that seemed to be our favorite past time and fuel for most of our fights) He says "well that sucks big time" but ya know he thinks I AM NEGATIVE! What the hell was I thinking? Most of my friends think I should change my phone number, but I should be adult enough to say no and Mean IT!!! And since he didn't call the next day maybe this is it!
All I know is that I am back at square one feeling all worthless and unlovable and worst of all its my own fault. I should have known better but I let my feelings for him cloud my judgment. And I am constantly reliving it and beating myself up about it. When will I learn?

Posted by shawnak at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well Q had another football game last nite at Prairie/Cottonwood. Okay I have lived here for like 28 years and I still don't get why these little podunk towns have 2 names??? So the town is called Cottonwood, but they are known as the Prairie Pirates! WTF!!! And Craigmont is the town and they are called the Highland Huskies. Don't get me wrong I know the area is called the "Prairie" and its higher than the surrounding area but come on!!!! I get so confused when driving to BFE, going okay Prairie is really Cottonwood, okay okay, go this way. MANNNNN!

Anyway I don't know what they are feeding those boys my son had to play against, but whatever it is they should bottle and sell it. I kid you not, about 6 of their players had to be at least 6'2" and my son is pushing what 5'2". Well needles to say we got rocked like 70 to 32. At least they didn't beat us 80 to zip like they did Grangeville (A.K.A Idiot County) Our fans were joking around saying "dang we need to get our Native land back from these farmers and start feeding our kids from it, maybe they would get as tall" Or the famous one, "just wait until basketball season and then we'll see whose losing" We rock at basketball and everyone knows it!!! Yay our kids!!!

Well I decided to take Josie the demon dog again. She has become the team mascot and all the little sisters of the team love to run her around during the game. Anyway, you know her barking thing, well I decided not to roll down the windows and see if that stopped the barking. Well it did, but I felt so bad for her running from window to window and about exploding trying not to bark. You guessed it, I caved and rolled down the window. Man you would have thought she had won the doggie lottery , she was so happy. Giving at least 3 loud barks to all the Semi's. DO you think it's like when we were kids and a Semi would pass us and we would move our arm up and down so they would honk there air horn? Hmmmm. Maybe that's what Josie is trying to get them to do, but alas they don't speak dog! Poor girl

Posted by shawnak at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well it sucked big time coming to work after a 4 day weekend, but I guess all good things must end right? Didn't do anything really productive until Sunday after church Q and I did yard work and put fence post around the bottom of our chain link fence to keep the demon dog from digging under the fence and getting out. But low and behold what did I discover when I came home for a break today...you guessed it, Josie the demon dog had once again escaped. Guess we should have named her Houdini. I was leaving and she comes running around the corner tail wagging and jumping on the gate TO GET IN THE YARD!!! She's a trickster alright, and she was just so happy to see me I couldn't punish her. I am such a sucker.
My grandma from Salt Lake just got here today to visit us for 4 days, so Q and I are gonna go up to my mom's to see her after I go to the gym and he gets off practice. I really wish we lived closer so Q could have some awesome memories like I have a spending time with her and my cousin's Kodi and Shane. They are the happiest times of m y child hood and it sucks that he has to miss out on all of that.
I got to see my former foster son this wkend. He just fills my heart with joy and then so much sadness that he has to endure a childhood with an alcoholic mother, who drinks for days at a time. He told me he likes to come over to Idaho to see my but he hates it too b/c all his mom does is drink when she is here. She doesn't have many party friends where they live so I am assuming she does her drinking at home. But we had a good time taking Josie to the park and letting her run wild. I took a picture of the both of them. If I knew how to post a picture I would as soon as I get them developed. I know I need a digital camera, but that is like way to complicated.
Anyway, kind of a boring post but that's all I could think of to write about.

Posted by shawnak at 3:26 PM | Permalink | Comments

okay sorry for the last blog, I feel dumb that I even wrote/admitted that. And thanks to my real friend Mzthng for being the only one who responded to my "crisis" Just kidding I know you all are very important people and well...the crisis has passed. I just woke up yesterday feeling like I could take on the world ya know. I looked good, felt good, and as some of you know I devised an evil plan to get back at "the one whose name we do not mention" hee hee I totally stole that from Lord of the rings but it totally fits.
I called The One and asked for his new CD's and he said he would bring me a copy..okay okay I had to finally purchase one from him, but that's beside the point. We chatted for awhile, me being all witty and charming. My plan was that I wanted him to see how good I look (I lost about 20 lbs and 7 inches since The One dumped me) and also to see my new truck and be totally like jealous and eating his heart out that he dumped me. Anyway when he showed up to my office there was like 5 people in there so I met him outside and he handed me 2 CD's and I said what's the second one and he said me of course and then he left. Well DAMN I wanted to get into the truck to get my purse so he would ask me whose truck, but it didn't go as planned. Then when I was leaving a half hour later he was driving by my office all out of his way and my friend Amiee said..hmmm must have had an effect on him...the power of the big booty I'm sure :) Then I went to the store and he was there and we were in line together and he totally ignored me..twice...hmmmm. Not sure what to think about that.
But anyway I feel good, so what if he's with someone else, he never gave me what I needed in a relationship and he didn't treat me very well and my son recently told me he was glad he's gone and he HATED the way he treated me. MAN!!!! I just know that there is someone out there for me and I have to be patient.
Well back to Q the had a game last nite in Nez Perce..little podunk town in the sticks. It was about 40 degrees and our kids were freezing and they lost 38 to 13, but it was so cute, there is a developmentally delayed kid on our team and the boys were trying so hard for him to make his first touch down. But the other team kept tackling him, but I think they finally caught on and kind of quit blocking him and he made a touchdown. He was so happy he did a little dance. SOooo cute and if my tears wouldn't have turned to icicles I would have cried. Good times!!!
Well today is my Friday b/c tomm and Fri we have no school for PIE conf.( hence the title of the blog) Don't know what PIE means but it sound fattening,:)

Posted by shawnak at 2:07 PM | Permalink | Comments

Notice the color???? Just about the way I feel inside, like you are walking through mud up to your knees. Man I hate mud!!!!! Like my 80's flashback title, clever huh? Well I hate to use my blog to depress any of you, but I am having a rough one. Thinking maybe I can pull some $$$ out of my ass and get back on my 'happy pills'. The drug co sucks!!!!!! I should just be able to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but damn that's a lot of weight to lift on my own :)
Remember the tragic breakup less than a month ago? All the crying, blah blah blah, well I am pretty positive he has moved on, ALREADY!!!!!! Leaving me to think wow I guess I didn't mean a hell of a lot did I? There has been a really nice new Jeep parked at his house for the last couple of ummm MORNINGS!!!!!
I guess I was not really accepting it was over and God threw a huge bolt of lightning into my head and now I guess I get it. And I guess I am used to him going out with scrubs (not including me) and that was okay b/c they were so not on my level. But scrubs don't drive new Jeeps, so it leaves me wondering is he gonna treat her better than me, IS she better than me? ??? You know all that self loathing stuff we learned as female teenagers. Thoughts like if I had done more_____, done less_____, been skinnier, been nicer, richer, sexier, take your pick. Well I am right back in high school with these feelings you all, but it really sucks b/c I am supposed to be a grown ass woman and I know better, but the quicksand is settling in.
Man I hate myself for even admitting all of this but they say catharsis is healing, so enough of that!

Posted by shawnak at 3:23 PM | Permalink | Comments