A day in the life of...

Okay so Ms Mmmm has recently pointed out my total lack of blogging, sorry been really uninspired lately. Or it could be I don't want to write about my own stupidity and all out hatred for most men right now. So Wed nite before Thanksgiving, the recent ex calls (he has been doing this for some time now) and when I say calls, he literally called 8 times between 2 am and 3 am. It came up as unknown name and so I finally answered it exasperated, and it was him! He was upset and needed a ride home from Clarkston (which is 25 minutes away) and did I mention it was 3 IN THE FRICKIN MORNING?! I told him to call one of his girlfriends and he kept begging and crying, so I went (yes I am an idiot!) Same crap different day was how our conversation went (never argue with a drunk) him saying how much he misses and still loves me blah blah! I said why did you call me, b/c you knew for sure I would come right?! Just like I have done for 5 1/2 yrs. He's crying and says he doesn't deserve me. I just kept bringing up then why did you dump me if I was so great! Anyway, don't want to re-hash it all. He called the next day thanking me (wow a thanks when he's SOBER!) and wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movie if he and his sister went....WTF?! I didn't answer and he said guess that was a no. Then later that day one of his girlfriends stayed the nite! ARGHHHHH have I completely lost my mind here or what? I swear this is the last time, I may be calling one or all of you if I am faced with a late nite phone call again...there's strength in numbers right?!
As for the other rat bastard in my life (my ex husband...man can I pick them) he called and wanted to see Q for a couple of hours on Thanksgiving so I had Q call him after we ate at my mom's. He was talking to his dad and said "why would I be mad at you?" so when he hung up I asked what that meant and he said his dad said he was on his way to pick him up, but thought Q would be mad at him b/c he had a black eye from a fight he was in. OH MY GOSH!!!! Why would you even tell your son something like that?! Well Q waited and waited and he never called or showed up (rat bastard!) Then my friend called me and told me Gem had gotten jumped at the bar, was beat up BAD and was driving around with all his friends drinking and looking for the guys who jumped him! What a jerk, why say you are on your way?! Man I didn't marry very well. Come to find out, he wasn't jumped he got beat up for talking crap to a friend of ours ( he said Gem was so high it wasn't funny) and the guy got sick of it and beat him up! My heart breaks for my son, something terrible is going to happen to his dad and there is nothing I can do to protect him from that! So sorry my blog is not positive, but at least its off my chest!

Posted by shawnak at 3:38 PM | Permalink | Comments

This totally sums up how I feel now that I am a mom. Hope you like it!

Before I Was A Mom

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Spit on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom - I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom - I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

I thank God every day for making me a Mom!

Posted by shawnak at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments

Some days it hardly seems worth it does it? Somedays I question why I chose social work in the first place, especially with the pay I receive compared to the student loans I have to pay off. Take today for example, I am trying to find emergency day care for a 2 year old b/c his mother had emergency surgery and has left the 15 and 10 yr old to care for him. They haven't been coming to school b/c of this and so today the 15 yr old in desperation and not wanting to fail... brought him with her to school, and of course got sent home. They have no $, no transportation to get him to day care, and are running out of options and so it falls on my shoulders to fix it....ARGGHH!!
On a more positive note...hey I am blogging again..hee hee!!! Q had his first basketball game of the season on Monday nite, and he scored 20 points....he's the next Michael Jordan only shorter and ummm lighter! No really, I was so proud of him and he was so excited until his Dad...AKA the sperm donor called and couldn't say anything positive. Like usual it was him saying "well ya know you need to work on this and you could do _____ better and so on. What a rat bastard!!! Sorry but don't mess with my kid or you WILL get hurt! Q said, "why can't he just be happy and say he's proud of me and leave it at that?" My heart felt like it cracked in half and I just scooped him on to the bed with me and ran my fingers through his hair. We laid like this for a long time. I didn't want to say exactly what I thought about his dad, so like Thumper I didn't have anything nice to say so I said nothing at all! Why is it that dad's can't/won't love unconditionally like us mothers? Why are there always expectations to be met (especially by son's) to get a father's love? Is it b/c we carried the child for 9 months and that bond is unbreakable? I am not sure, but it pisses me off. I would walk through fire before I purposely hurt my child or made him feel like nothing! Anyway, I digress I was suppossed to be ending this blog on a haapy note. Q had another game last nite. It was 1 hour and a half away and in the middle of the forest, but it was good. We played Timberline ( I think I mentioned before that this is the school that was so predjudice that when I was in high school they taped feathers to their helmets and pissed on all of our football players clothes in the locker room...nice huh?) and we won...who hoo!! He plays again tomm at home thank goodness. More later

Posted by shawnak at 1:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

well I am still waiting to hear what they are gonna say about either fixing or totaling my car. Yeah I know its scratched and has 2 small dents but $4300 to fix it. As Sophie would say freak me!!!!! It never crossed my mind that they might just total it out. When I heard that was an option I bawled!!! But now I am not sure how to feel or what to hope for. It's a 1999 Honda and has 147,000 miles on it and it has been great. I have had no major problems with it and as I have mentioned, I LOVE IT! So if they do total it I have 2 options 1) let them total it and buy back the salvage ( ie:my wrecked car) and then fix it at my own cost or 2) pay off what I owe on my car, sell my little truck (boo hoo) and get a new car. So I have no idea what to do if they decide to total my baby. I don't want to sell my new truck but I can't afford a new car payment on top of the truck payment. AWWWWWW Help! I guess I won't worry about it until I know for sure.
Meanwhile I am going to the chiropractor 3 times a week b/c of my wrecked back!!! And he has a new massage chair. Well let me tell ya the first time he put me in it and flipped me into the reclining position and started her up, it was an adventure. Thank God he turned the light off and I was in the room alone b/c what happens next I didn't want to share with anyone. It starts off all well and good, massaging my neck and shoulders and then it moves to my shoulder blades. It starts off as a gentle rubbing motion and then I turned into a hoochie mama off of BET or MTV! It started making my shoulders shimmy and my boobs sway from side to side, and then it went into WARP SPEED Captain Kirk!!!!! I am serious if I didn't have my good bra on I would have left with a black eye (okay maybe a fat lip b/c I am not as blessed as some of my friends or my cuz!! But still...) I started to laugh out loud and also started to wonder if he had secret video footage of the whole event. Then it moved down to my lower back and my hips started to shimmy and I thought Oh no, please don't let me go into hyper space, but OH YEAH it did and I could not quit laughing! Tears were rolling down my face and all I kept thinking was "Let me see yer Tootsie Roll, to the left to the left to the front to the front" okay its a really old corny song but it totally fit the moment. Doc came in the room and said what's up (no pun intended, that's really his name!) I told him and he starting cracking up and said "No I don't have a hidden camera but after this I might install one!" Oh the humiliation, now each time I get into the chair I smile to myself and try to think of other things!!!

Posted by shawnak at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

Yep you guessed it, its my birthday. All my "kids"/students kept asking my how old I was and I was completely honest when I told them 29 (hee hee) and they all replied "you're young!" Yep with the rules I have set in my own mind they are right, I am young!!! My wing woman Tina put my birthday on the radio so the DJ announced it, where we are having the party,and said he was gonna show up. My aunt at work was the one who told me about it (since I don't listen to the country station). SO I knew it was Tina and joked she was using my Bday to hook up with the DJ she thinks is cute. Well I am gonna steal from my cuz's friends blogs and tell ya a little about MOI!

1. Everyone thinks I am this incredibly strong person, but I cry at the movies, on sappy commercials, sappy emails, when my son went to Middle school this year. Oh yeah I am a big baby.
2. I have my Master's degree in Social Work and sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking.
3. I sometimes let the wrong people have a front seat in the audience of my life.
4. It's very hard for me to trust anyone, so very few people see the real side of me.
5. I feel very lucky to have great friends, especially the ones I have had since 3rd grade.
6. I have one child, a son who is the love of my life!
7. I love creative writing, poetry, acting and singing loud in my car.
8. I love to dance and don't care who's watching!
9. I went to college (the first time) on a drama scholarship. Yes I am a drama queen!
10. I am afraid I will always be alone and no guy will be lucky enuf to know what a catch I am.
11. I rode a bull (okay it was a calf, but it was HUGE!!) in a rodeo at my cuz's home town.
12. I was an only child until age 12 when my mom started adopting children. I now have 5 sibling's (two of which are younger than my son)
13. I wanted a sister so bad when I was young I convinced my cuz that she was really my sister and her mom and dad just adopted her. She cried so hard and I got into so much trouble. Sorry Kodi. I love ya tons!!!
14. I cherish every second I have with my son because I am realizing it goes by sooo quickly.
15. My 18 yr old sister and I have a great relationship.
16. If I had to live my life over again I wouldn't change a thing b/c all of those experiences good and bad have made me into the person I am today.
17. I am a control freak who is trying really hard to let go and "get in the boat".
18. Sometimes I love too hard for too long and my heart pays the price, but I refuse not to love 100%.

Well that's all I can think of. A little scarey sharing some of that for me, so consider yourselves to be part of my inner circle. Luv ya all!!!

Posted by shawnak at 2:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

I would like to begin this blog with my utter disappointment of my blog-slacking friends. Miss Angela and My wing Woman have not blogged FOREVER! I keep going to your blog to see if you have finally gotten it together, but low and behold NOTHING!!! Not even comments on MY blog! The whole point of this thing is to keep in touch with each other's lives and guess what...you're behind! Ang you are going to be moving to Germany in a couple of weeks and then I am afraid we will be really out of touch. Okay I am off my soap box for now, but if ya didn't get the hint START BLOGGING. Okay enuf said.
I don't want to jinx it, but I think there is some romance in the air and its headed right for me...maybe. A hot guy asked me for my number yesterday ( no hints for you Mzthng its too early..so don't ask LOL) and I played hard to get for a while but of course gave in (I am such a floosie) He called last nite and we talked for a while but I had to go into my group and had to get off the phone. But I invited him to my birthday party on Friday and who knows........ Anyway even if nothing comes of it, I am sooo flattered that a hot gut wanted the phone number of a ummmmm 30 ish(okay really ISH) woman. So positive thoughts and energies sent my way would be appreciated. Take that " Man Whose Name We Do Not Mention" you AND your white Jeep chick can EAT MY SHORTS! HA! I know Bart Simpson is totally 80's, but the 80's ROCKED!!!!

Posted by shawnak at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

SO Friday was the worst day...like ever! Well it was Homecoming and the whole town (all like 1,000 population) was out in force getting their floats ready for the parade. Well I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off and jumped into my car ready to race off to pick up another client. Well the blonde highlites must have sunk into my brain and well..... I thought I was in reverse but was really in drive and crashed into the chain link fence at work. I mean not like a little bit into the fence but MY WHOLE CAR was under the frickin fence. Mostly b/c when I went to slam on the breaks, I was so freaked out that I accidentally hit the GAS!!
So there I am with my car more than half way under the fence ...sitting in the middle of the softball field. With the WHOLE town driving by staring at me. Well I had no choice but continue to drive until the fence was off of my car(which bent my rear suspension...f**ck!!!!!) So I step out of the car, shaking violently, sick to my stomach b/c my BABY was so scratched up I couldn't recognize her! I hobble to my boss's office and fell to my knees and whimpered... "please help me" I know it sounds overly dramatic, but 1) I LOVE MY CAR and take excellent care of it 2) I crashed the fence at work..badddd 3) did I mention how much I love my car 4) how the hell am I gonna pay for this???!!!
So my boss (superintendent of Schools) picked me up, wiped my tears (how humiliating...f**k) and went to survey the damage. When I kind of stopped shaking I stood up to see out the window what was up. He came back in and said its really scratched and you have a few dents, but for jumping that parking curb, I don't think you have any damage underneath at all. I asked him to call Maintenance and have them come unlock the gate so I could get out of the field before the parade comes marching by and my son sees how dumb his mom is!!! SO we got it out and it drove fine. He told me to take the day off and do what I had to do with the car. He said don't worry about the fence, its on me. Because I just kept apologizing profusely b/c I felt so inept!
Well the short of it is about $3500 worth of body/paint damage. And my suspension is bent underneath, but my mechanic thinks it will be easy to fix. SO I am now dealing with auto adjusters before any work can begin and I wrenched my back really bad so I am dealing with medical adjusters to pay my chiropractor. (Missus J, I totally feel for your back blogs especially having to crawl through the window, I wince at even having to think of doing that!) Fuck me!!!! I am exhausted and it has only just begun. All the while I am thinking where am I gonna come up with the $500 deductible? IF any of you are praying people, please pray for a financial miracle for me b/c short of that who knows what's gonna happen!
On a happier note, Halloween was good, got a lot of little ghouls. Q was the happy/stoned Scream guy with a huge wig full of dread locks. Hilarious, if I knew how to download pics..like you pro bloggers do...I would share. But once again, can't figure it out.

Posted by shawnak at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments