Just Another Manic Monday!!
Notice the color???? Just about the way I feel inside, like you are walking through mud up to your knees. Man I hate mud!!!!! Like my 80's flashback title, clever huh? Well I hate to use my blog to depress any of you, but I am having a rough one. Thinking maybe I can pull some $$$ out of my ass and get back on my 'happy pills'. The drug co sucks!!!!!! I should just be able to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but damn that's a lot of weight to lift on my own :)
Remember the tragic breakup less than a month ago? All the crying, blah blah blah, well I am pretty positive he has moved on, ALREADY!!!!!! Leaving me to think wow I guess I didn't mean a hell of a lot did I? There has been a really nice new Jeep parked at his house for the last couple of ummm MORNINGS!!!!!
I guess I was not really accepting it was over and God threw a huge bolt of lightning into my head and now I guess I get it. And I guess I am used to him going out with scrubs (not including me) and that was okay b/c they were so not on my level. But scrubs don't drive new Jeeps, so it leaves me wondering is he gonna treat her better than me, IS she better than me? ??? You know all that self loathing stuff we learned as female teenagers. Thoughts like if I had done more_____, done less_____, been skinnier, been nicer, richer, sexier, take your pick. Well I am right back in high school with these feelings you all, but it really sucks b/c I am supposed to be a grown ass woman and I know better, but the quicksand is settling in.
Man I hate myself for even admitting all of this but they say catharsis is healing, so enough of that!
Remember the tragic breakup less than a month ago? All the crying, blah blah blah, well I am pretty positive he has moved on, ALREADY!!!!!! Leaving me to think wow I guess I didn't mean a hell of a lot did I? There has been a really nice new Jeep parked at his house for the last couple of ummm MORNINGS!!!!!
I guess I was not really accepting it was over and God threw a huge bolt of lightning into my head and now I guess I get it. And I guess I am used to him going out with scrubs (not including me) and that was okay b/c they were so not on my level. But scrubs don't drive new Jeeps, so it leaves me wondering is he gonna treat her better than me, IS she better than me? ??? You know all that self loathing stuff we learned as female teenagers. Thoughts like if I had done more_____, done less_____, been skinnier, been nicer, richer, sexier, take your pick. Well I am right back in high school with these feelings you all, but it really sucks b/c I am supposed to be a grown ass woman and I know better, but the quicksand is settling in.
Man I hate myself for even admitting all of this but they say catharsis is healing, so enough of that!
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