tight pants, school lockdown, and fighting with my Tween
Sounds like a great start to Valentines day doesn't it??? Or in the world of a single woman, I like to call it D-day!!! I didn't blog about the 2 hour lockdown at my child's school yesterday b/c I didn't have time or clarity of mind to do so. But the police locked the school down b/c during the wkend kids broke into a home and stole many GUNS! The police suspected they might have brought them to school and had them in their lockers!!! Okay as a teen I was not perfect, and once I even brought alcohol to school, but GUNS!!!!!???? What the hell is wrong with society that our children are bringing weapons to school? Well after searching with dogs and the whole bit, they found no guns. Thank you GOD!!!!!! They did find the guns after school at some undisclosed location and have arrested those involved. This just solidified my fears of letting my child go to school out here (not that it couldn't have happened in Lewiston, but Man!!!) I am second guessing my parenting decisions lately and this just didn't help at all!
Then this morning I went to put on my favorite pair of jeans, and they were so tight I didn't think it would be appropriate to wear them to work. I knew I had gained some weight since my wreck, but OH MY GOSH!!!! My ass is the size of a small country (I kept thinking, while eating chocolate this morning) and Cupid should be shot with his own ARROW!!! Stupid Stupid V-day!!!
Then to add insult to injury while drying my used to be "fat pants" I find a note in the dryer addressed to my son. So I figure its in my domain I will read it. Its from his friend who is telling my son to slap his "girlfriend" on the butt to make this other girl (who likes my son) jealous. It also goes on to say that while my son was dancing with his "girlfriend" this wkend "they were all over each other" Okay so after I put out the fire I caused by the flames shooting out of my eyes while reading this, I thought I have no idea how to handle this!!!!! It was so much easier when you could forbid them to do something and be done with it. But during the Tween years, this ain't gonna cut it!!! I told myself I wasn't going to confront him until after school... but the longer I waited for him to wake up, the more mad I got! So after I gave him his valentine present, I had to bring it up, granted we are both NOT morning people and I knew it was going to piss him off! Conversation went as follows:
Me: We need to talk about his note I found
Q: What note?
Me: this one from D...I thought you said you and A didn't even dance at the dance?
Q: SO!!!!!!!
Me: (WTF!!!) Did u just say "so" to me?!
Q: (not missing a beat) YEAH!
Me: u know I told u that you were too young for a girlfriend anyway, so if ya want to keep on doing these things I will call her parents and I WILL put a stop to this right now!!! (seething with incredulous anger)
Q: I am walking to school!
Me: Oh no you're not, we are not through here ( as he is walking out the door)... If you walk out that door, I will call your dad (even though he is a crack head loser, it still scares my son that I will tell his father)
well he got in the car after trying to close the front door on me and I continued to talk to him while he glared angrily out the window. I told him that if he really cared for this girl, he needed to have more respect for her and himself then to "be all over each other" Granted he never said whether this was a fact or not, he just chose not to answer me like usual and so I am assuming that's what happened. I also told him I didn't want him to become a parent at 16 like his many cousins and also the reason I am mad is b/c he lied to me and if he is going to lie about something so small, then how can I trust him with the big things. He jumped out of the car when we reached school and slammed the car door and never said a word to me, except for SO and I am walking to school. God help me, I am at a total loss. any advice from the BLOGOVERSE? I have always prided myself on being a good parent, but I am really doubting that there is much I can even do about this! HEEEELLPP!
Then this morning I went to put on my favorite pair of jeans, and they were so tight I didn't think it would be appropriate to wear them to work. I knew I had gained some weight since my wreck, but OH MY GOSH!!!! My ass is the size of a small country (I kept thinking, while eating chocolate this morning) and Cupid should be shot with his own ARROW!!! Stupid Stupid V-day!!!
Then to add insult to injury while drying my used to be "fat pants" I find a note in the dryer addressed to my son. So I figure its in my domain I will read it. Its from his friend who is telling my son to slap his "girlfriend" on the butt to make this other girl (who likes my son) jealous. It also goes on to say that while my son was dancing with his "girlfriend" this wkend "they were all over each other" Okay so after I put out the fire I caused by the flames shooting out of my eyes while reading this, I thought I have no idea how to handle this!!!!! It was so much easier when you could forbid them to do something and be done with it. But during the Tween years, this ain't gonna cut it!!! I told myself I wasn't going to confront him until after school... but the longer I waited for him to wake up, the more mad I got! So after I gave him his valentine present, I had to bring it up, granted we are both NOT morning people and I knew it was going to piss him off! Conversation went as follows:
Me: We need to talk about his note I found
Q: What note?
Me: this one from D...I thought you said you and A didn't even dance at the dance?
Q: SO!!!!!!!
Me: (WTF!!!) Did u just say "so" to me?!
Q: (not missing a beat) YEAH!
Me: u know I told u that you were too young for a girlfriend anyway, so if ya want to keep on doing these things I will call her parents and I WILL put a stop to this right now!!! (seething with incredulous anger)
Q: I am walking to school!
Me: Oh no you're not, we are not through here ( as he is walking out the door)... If you walk out that door, I will call your dad (even though he is a crack head loser, it still scares my son that I will tell his father)
well he got in the car after trying to close the front door on me and I continued to talk to him while he glared angrily out the window. I told him that if he really cared for this girl, he needed to have more respect for her and himself then to "be all over each other" Granted he never said whether this was a fact or not, he just chose not to answer me like usual and so I am assuming that's what happened. I also told him I didn't want him to become a parent at 16 like his many cousins and also the reason I am mad is b/c he lied to me and if he is going to lie about something so small, then how can I trust him with the big things. He jumped out of the car when we reached school and slammed the car door and never said a word to me, except for SO and I am walking to school. God help me, I am at a total loss. any advice from the BLOGOVERSE? I have always prided myself on being a good parent, but I am really doubting that there is much I can even do about this! HEEEELLPP!
Okay - since you don't know me (maybe you've read some of my blogs or some of my comments) let me introduce myself. I am a mother of three grown children (thank God!) and now 3 grandchildren with 2 more on the way. Continue to read if you want the truth as I see it - delete NOW if you don't.
I learned with my oldest daughter N - (my oh if we survive the preteen - teen years without one of us in prision for murder it will be a miracle daughter) I found lots of notes and her diary that I read.....(I WAS THAT KIND OF MOTHER) You said the right things - with the respect items but you said them at the wrong time and in the wrong way. (if your still reading me - believe me I know this thru my OWN experiences!) First you stated you are neither one morning people so timing could have been better - Second you imediately accused him of LYING (which he did granted but in his eyes he failed to tell the whole story) which put him on the defensive so from this point forward all he heard was Charlie Browns school teacher.. Blah blah blah blah
My suggestion (if I had a chance to advise prior to this mornings conversation) would have been to grade the note like a teacher. Circle the dancing part and say (Hmm that's a surprise - and I hope you respected her and she respected you) and done that kind of stuff all thru the note left it for him to see and read and possibly bring up to you.
Now I have to be honest but with my first one I would have reacted even more over the top than you - I wouldn't have waited for her to wake up I would have POUNCED while she slept. But after almost losing N as a runaway I wised up with the other two.
I hope this was helpful and not as snotty as I'm afraid it sounded but now the best you can hope for is to apologize for starting his day off so poorly and that you would like to discuss and hear how he feels about some of things written in the note.
Posted by
OMH |
3:05 PM
I don't know what's more scary--the guns or the girl.
You know, of course, if you forbid him from seeing her, that just adds to the romance, and gives him all the more reason to want to.
Why not have her over for dinner? Talk to her. Embarass your son a bit by telling her about the time he stuck his toothbrush in his butt? (Or something to that effect.)
Posted by
Missuz J |
4:03 PM
Thank you both so much!!!! (Oldmotherhubbard I am not offended at all, everything you said was right on point)i did talk to him afterschool and apologized for jumping to the conclusion that he was "all over her" and asked if that was why he was so mad. He said yes and I apologized for that as well. He talked some more (well him listening mostly) and we made up and went out to dinner for V-day.
Both of your suggestions are great and believe me I will be using them!!!!
Posted by
shawnak |
8:48 AM
Sorry it took me so long to comment. So here goes.
1. School lockdown!? Are you shitting me? Scary
2. I have been wearing my fat pants for a year now. They are now my regular pants.
3. I have also found out things Kiri was hiding from me by reading notes left in her pants. It totally sucks, but I think you did okay. You had to confront him about it, maybe not first thing in the morning, but it is not something you can let go. Also know that the opposite sex will now be a constant fascination to him (as it is for Kiri) and you will be dealing with this for a long while. Talk, talk, talk and talk some more to him. Kiri sometimes rolls her eyes at me, but I do believe that some of it sinks in (hello...teenage pregnancy worries anyone? Please God let her graduate from High School before getting pregnant. I want so much more for her than that, but right now, that is my first goal. After that, the world is hers to conquer.)
Good luck. I love ya, baby.
Posted by
Kodi |
8:33 PM